Taking the Hit as a Gift

The Hit

A few months ago, a client came to me who had been unexpectedly laid off.  It was a huge blow for her and she felt a bit of her identity had vanished. I helped her to ground back into who she was and the impacts that she had made over the years in her career.  As the news started to sink in, she eventually found herself strangely happy and relieved.  I helped her to see the layoff as gift.  The abrupt change had presented an opportunity for her to find a more positive environment where her skills and expertise aligned; where she could feel challenged and grow.

My aikido teacher, George Leonard, called this awareness taking the hit as a gift.  At various times in life we all receive hits.  They can take the form of injury or accident, relationship struggles, career pitfalls, family crises or disappointments.  Some are more forceful than others.  When we receive the hit and label it as bad or negative we lose the opportunity to grow.  If we receive the hit and look at it as a gift, we can open up to the possibility to change a pattern, belief, behavior or relationship in our life that is no longer serving us.  We are empowered by this wake-up-call to act in a way that improves our health and wholeness thus embracing the pain or challenge for what it is, an opportunity.

Here are two ways that you can take your next “hit” as a gift:

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Bringing Moments of Joy into the Virtual World

Many of our opportunities for moments of joy at work have disappeared while working from home.  The spontaneity that we took for granted talking about a fun weekend around the water cooler or seeking advice from a colleague in the next cube is gone. We are working together, but not quite connected. How can we start to bring a little more joy to our work and gain connectedness in an inherently disconnected world?

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Using Prosocial Emotions to Lift Us Up!

We are learning, stretching, growing even if it feels that we are isolating and folding in on ourselves. The global pandemic is creating a new normal in the world that includes social distancing and voluntary isolation. Many of us feel some anxiety and potentially the beginnings of depression as we are uncertain about our future and cut off from our fellow humans. 

To combat these feelings, we can cultivate positive and prosocial emotions. Prosocial emotions provide a sense of belonging to something bigger than ourselves and offer us a way to connect and lift each other up.  These emotions include curiosity, surprise, amusement, gratitude, kindness and awe. Interestingly, these emotional states also spark creativity and lift us out of boredom which may be feeding the depression settling in.  Try some of these action items to boost your mood and lift others up!

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Pitfalls to Avoid on the Road Back to Work

The road back to work for many of us can feel like entering the enchanted forest from the Wizard of Oz or the Fire Swamp for all you Princess Bride fans; scary, unknown and full of pitfalls. There are numerous places to get stuck along the path to purposeful work and I am happy to share a few that I have navigated.

Here are a few pitfalls to avoid:

 “I’m not sure what I want to do.” 

Many mothers have spent so much time serving others that theydo not know what they really want anymore. If you are unclear about what your purposeful work is, think about what inspires you. Feel free to dream outside the lines here.  What did you like to do as a child? How do you love to show up for people? Focus on what is important to you and activities that ignite your passion.

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Gathering up your life: Transitioning to Fall

September is the new Summer for Moms!

It’s the first week of Fall, but for many moms with young children it feels like summer has just begun.  The kids are back in school full swing and activities have been sorted out.  Moms can take a collective exhale and breathe some new life into themselves. How about taking a few of those precious moments to gather all of the seemingly disparate parts of your life to see how they fit together?  Hint: Even if your kids are not yet school aged, Fall is a great time for gathering.

Gathering up your life

Why is gathering important?  For me being pulled in many directions is discombobulating, frustrating and exhausting. Taking time out to gather up all the activities, to do’s, schedules and desires in my life and putting them into one place is a necessary exercise to get me back on track.

Gathering also helps integrate the seemingly disparate parts of your life. It is difficult to create meaning when our days are filled with pressure and anxiety from work, kids, meal preparation, volunteer commitments, errands, chores and more kids. Spending our evenings flopped in front of a screen doesn’t help either. This constant state of inattention leaves us out of touch with our emotional life and functioning on autopilot. Gathering helps us to understand what is important and creates a framework to ensure that we focus on the important pieces.

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A Season of Smart Service: How to Avoid Giver Burnout

Are You a Selfless Giver?

This time of year is made for givers with countless opportunities to offer time, money, ideas, skills and cheer. However, after giving thanks, giving gifts and giving toasts we can be left fatigued or burned out. Burnout looks and feels differently for many of us, but for me it typically surfaces with feelings of resentment, lack of interest and sloppy work with little follow-through. If you have a giving personality, you’ve probably felt like this from time to time.

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Reentering the Workforce on Your Terms

Picture this, you have been given a gift of two free days to spend as you would like, without your children or spouse. How would you choose to spend those days?   I would choose to work!  Yes, work is what fuels my soul and how I show up in the world outside of my family.  I, like many people, have a to-do list that is a mile long.  I also have dreams of girl’s weekends with spa treatments.  However, working gives me a place to express my ideas and have my talents validated by that other important thing…money!

Does this sound familiar?

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Tips for Parents to Transition into Summer

The warm weather in Marin the last few weeks has created a bit of spring fever. Many of us have already been to the beach and hosted early season barbeques. Fueled by this warm weather and the taste of summer, I decided to begin my summer planning. I opened my calendar and clicked through June filled with recitals, graduations, ceremonies and the last day of regularly scheduled activities. Then came July and August. The open weeks stretched out like blank pages in a writing test booklet. Suddenly, I was facing two months with no plans…help!

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Setting Goals From the Inside Out

I don’t know about you, but when those year-end magazine issues appear on the newsstands, a feeling of dread comes over me. I know that I will begin to look back and assess the year according to what I did or did not get around to. I will review the best and worst moments and feel guilty for time lost or time ill spent.

My feeling of dread really sinks in when I review my to-do list. I find it interesting that the items left undone are those I am not passionate about or invested in. Further, these items are not linked to any of my goals, but put on the list out of a responsibility

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